I’m the Best. No, I won’t prove it.

I have a sister named Hannah…and Hannah is almost always right.

Hannah is smart, insightful, analytical.  She is also beautiful and hysterical.  She makes me laugh all day.

She’s engaged. (I know…sorry).

This week Hannah told me I was competitive.  This is significant, because I adamantly announce (on a semi-frequent basis) that I am NOT competitive.  I HATE competition.  It makes me nervous and edgy and generally unhappy and eventually exhausted.  But, Hannah thinks I don’t like competition because I am fiercely competitive and I don’t want to risk losing.  Hmmm.

So I have been thinking about my own determination to be the best.  I do love thinking I am the best at something.  It gives me a reason to be!  What can I offer if someone else is able to offer more?  I have to have a niche.  But how realistic is this?  And how paralyzing is the fear of failure?  And how pride-based is this?

I found this song…it’s fun to sing and it could be my mantra except I’m terrified of it.  I’m not at a place where I can just give up the fight to be the best.  If I’m giving competition the boot, I need a strong motivator to replace it.  I’m not sure I have one…and I can’t loose my drive.  I CAN’T.

*Note-this song has mild profanity 🙂