Hannah is smart, insightful, analytical. She is also beautiful and hysterical. She makes me laugh all day.
She’s engaged. (I know…sorry).
This week Hannah told me I was competitive. This is significant, because I adamantly announce (on a semi-frequent basis) that I am NOT competitive. I HATE competition. It makes me nervous and edgy and generally unhappy and eventually exhausted. But, Hannah thinks I don’t like competition because I am fiercely competitive and I don’t want to risk losing. Hmmm.
So I have been thinking about my own determination to be the best. I do love thinking I am the best at something. It gives me a reason to be! What can I offer if someone else is able to offer more? I have to have a niche. But how realistic is this? And how paralyzing is the fear of failure? And how pride-based is this?
I found this song…it’s fun to sing and it could be my mantra except I’m terrified of it. I’m not at a place where I can just give up the fight to be the best. If I’m giving competition the boot, I need a strong motivator to replace it. I’m not sure I have one…and I can’t loose my drive. I CAN’T.
*Note-this song has mild profanity 🙂